Show Don't Tell
Show don’t tell – every writer’s nemesis!
Show don’t tell is the nemesis for all writers, no matter what stage of their career they are at. It is something I struggle with and my editor has highlighted the fact in the recent round of edits my new manuscript has been through.
When I get a structural report back from my editor, she has the canny knack of starting with the positive and then gently explaining where I have gone wrong. With Belonging she helped me see that I rushed the beginning, diving into the action too quickly.
As mentioned my recent book has just come back from the editors and one of their biggest notes to me is that I’ve spent too much time telling and not enough time showing!
Show don’t tell is the dreaded phrase mentioned in every writing book and by every writing teacher. It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But what does show don’t tell really mean?
What does it mean?
It means that I have spent too much time telling my reader exactly how the character feels at any given moment, thereby telling my reader how to feel as well.
For example I wrote that my character ‘was ashamed of being told off like this and embarrassed at being reprimanded like one of her own students.’
Instead I must use her body language and speech patterns to show she’s ashamed and embarrassed.
An example from my editor is, “Grace was devastated by the phone message from her boyfriend.” That is the writer telling the reader how Grace felt and therefore how they should feel.
“As his tinny words hung in the air, Grace sank onto the sofa, her throat tight and aching.” This sentence demonstrates how Grace is feeling, without actually telling the reader. It leaves enough room for the reader to make their own interpretation of what it is exactly that Grace is feeling.
When it’s explained like this, it is really easy to see and you might well wonder who would make such a mistake!
It’s difficult to notice at first, especially when it’s your own writing and you’re caught up in the flow of the story, but I am assured I’m not alone in making this error!
It’s only when you go back later and start editing that you may begin to notice you’ve done the same thing.
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So how can you fix the problem?
My editor has made some really great suggestions as to how I can remedy this problem.
First, print out the manuscript and then go through it page by page and, with a big red pen, highlight every sentence or paragraph that uses he/she felt, or those -ed words – embarrassed, delighted, overjoyed, ashamed, excited.
The second step is to go back to the beginning and inspect each of those highlighted sentences or phrases and ask myself the question, do I really need them?
Have I already shown the reader how my character feels and now I’m reiterating it? If I have, I can simply take out that sentence.
However, if I have not demonstrated through action or behaviour what my character is feeling, I can then substitute the description for appropriate behaviour or action.
An Example
An example from my own book would be:
“’Who’s been saying that?’ Karen was dizzy and very hot. Her face flushed both with embarrassment and with fury.”
We know Karen is dizzy and very hot. That tells us she’s embarrassed and angry. I don’t need to include the second sentence, it doesn’t add anything to the story.
Something else my editor advised me of was, just as I must trust my own writer’s instinct it is important to trust my reader’s instinct:
“As a good general rule, it’s important to trust yourself as a writer, and also to trust your reader; your reader knows from your good writing elsewhere that Karen feels humiliation, anger, depression, loneliness or fear, and you do not need to tell them explicitly that this is the case…they will pick it up for themselves, and deducing these things is a crucial part of their enjoyment in and engagement with a novel.”
Show don’t tell is something we writers will hear it again and again and again. It is easy to think that we understand the concept and don’t make that mistake, but in actual fact writers at all stages of their career find they make this error more often than they think.
It is one of those skills you must endeavour to be aware of and never take for granted that you have fixed the problem for good.
With every new manuscript you will need be vigilant and be sure to incorporate show don’t tell into your own self-edits.
Have you mastered show don’t tell?
To practice this, go to your current work in progress and start at the beginning. Do as my editor suggests and take a big red pen to the first five pages. Have you found where you’ve used he/she felt, or those -ed words?
How many slipped in when you weren’t looking?
If this article was useful, you’ll love:
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Emma Dhesi writes women’s fiction. She began writing seriously while a stay at home mum with 3 pre-school children.
By changing her mindset, being consistent and developing confidence, Emma has gone from having a collection of handwritten notes to a fully written, edited and published novel.
Having experienced first-hand how writing changes lives, Emma now helps beginner writers find the time and confidence to write their first novel.
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