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Why being a stay-at-home-mum is a time of transition
Why being a stay-at-home-mum is a time of transition
Did you know that being a stay-at-home mum is a time for transition? And I don’t just mean from a corporate life to a domestic one! If you’re a stay-at-home mum, you’ll be all too familiar with sleepless nights, early mornings, inane questions and daily arguments over food!
This is certainly my experience of motherhood. I have three young children who amaze me every day with their ability to bicker about the smallest of things. This morning it was about who likes porridge more!
But in amongst all the exhaustion and being pulled every which way, there emerges a period of reflection, and being a stay-at-home mum can offer you the opportunity of transitioning your personal and professional life down a whole new path.
One of those paths might be to write the book you’ve always wanted to write. Here are 5 reasons why staying at home with the kids might just be the catalyst you need into a new you.
1. You are already out of the rat race
You’ve made what can be one of the most difficult decisions in your career, which is to leave it. The security that comes with having a daily routine, and a regular salary, can be frightening but once you’ve done it it opens up a whole raft of new possibilities.
You’ve already done the most difficult thing which is to take that step away you’re your old life.
When I talk to friends who have been working hard on their career ladder for the last 20 or 25 years, it is almost impossible for them to imagine making such a pivot in their life.
Although your hand is twisted to a degree by the arrival of a new tiny person, it is still a physical and mental upheaval.
You have foregone the professional work that gave you a sense of identity and are forging a whole new one as a 24-hour mother.
You’ve taken that step, and it is a blue sky moment. Life looks and feels differently for you now.
2. You’ve learned new skills
As a full-time parent you have undoubtedly learned new skills.
Unless you were a nursery or a primary school teacher, you’ve most likely not had to deal with daily tantrums, huge egos and people who are impossible to reason with and whose whim changes with the wind.
Even difficult of adult colleagues will not have expressed themselves quite so vocally and freely as your preschooler.
As such you have learnt a whole raft of new skills: Your time management has been tested, your cooking skills and menu offerings have been revamped; you’re learning things about your own and your child’s body you never knew possible will astound you and horrify you in equal measure (their poo is what colour??).
Your ability to negotiate has improved exponentially and if you are a mother that believes in setting firm boundaries, you’ve learn to hold your ground.
The lack of sleep and the level of patience you’ve show your child has made you dig deeper than ever before. You’ve found you are more capable and have enough inner strength to match even Margaret Thatcher (showing my age here!)
You impress even yourself with what you are able to achieve in a 24-hour period.
3. Time for reflection
If you’re anything like me you’ve found the transition from dynamic career woman to domestic slave a complicated one.
You’ve gone from being an independent woman who was spontaneous and sociable, to someone who is routine bound and whose life is dominated by an individual who can’t even speak yet.
Much as you love your child, and wouldn’t wish things any other way, it’s been a tough adjustment and has offered up some time for reflection.
This was certainly the case from me. Within a 12 month period I emigrated, got married, and had a baby. My world was turned upside down in a way I could never have predicted.
When my hormones settled down sufficiently I began to think about my future and what was important to me.
For example, I knew I didn’t want to go back to a 9-to-5. I enjoyed the freedom that came with being my own boss (to a degree of course, I still had a toddler to wrangle with!) And I don’t mind admitting I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of working a full-time job and being a full-time parent.
If that sounds familiar you may also find yourself, in quieter moments giving brief reflection on what you want for the second half of your life.
It’ll take time to figure out (it took me two more children and another four years) what you want next, but as Marie Forleo says, everything is figureoutable.
If you’re at home full-time, knowing they won’t be little forever and at some stage you’re going to want something for yourself, this might be the time to start thinking about it.
4. Rediscover old loves
As the kids get older and you settle into a routine, you may find that you start picking up old hobbies and activities you did as a younger person.
Things have probably changed in the intervening years, and that makes it feels as exciting as it once did. It may be that you rediscover crafting of some sort, for example knitting or sewing. It may be that you enjoy scrapbooking or quilting.
Perhaps he used to play sport competitively and that is something you’d like to resume. You may even decide to do it seriously and join our local league for your age group. But if you’re like me, that old love is writing.
I have heard it said that whatever it was you were passionate about at the age of eight, that’s your true calling.
And if your passion at the age of eight was making up little stories and illustrating them, fiction writing might be just what you need in your life I now. Perhaps this is an old flame that needs to be rekindled?
As the kids get older and you start to have more free time, what will you do with that time? Make sure it’s something for you, not the kids or the home. If you had that time, what would you do with it?
Go to the gym, nap, meet a friend, read, or do a little bit of writing? Whatever it is, this might be your opportunity to explore your old love and find out if it’s still got a special place in your heart.
5. Personal transition
The results of numbers 1 through 4 mean that you have, undoubtedly, gone through a huge personal transition.
Not only has the routine and shape of your day-to-day life change, the way you feel about your new life has caused a seismic shift within you. You have had to readjust the way you view your whole life, and that includes your own personal growth.
In the nine years since I became a parent, my own personal growth has gone beyond what I could ever have imagined.
Not only have I left the rat race but I’ve found a strength in myself I didn’t know I had. I’ve realised I want more from my life and to be a positive example for my daughters.
I stopped drinking alcohol, I have stopped eating sugar, I have stopped burning the candle at both ends and I have never felt better.
These things aren’t for everyone, your personal transition will look completely different to mine, but you have transitioned. So embrace this opportunity for change. What is it that you want the second half of your life to look like? For me it was to publish my novels.
It’s true what they say, youth is wasted on the young. And because I now realise that, I’ve focused in on what’s most important to me. Apart from my family, the most important thing to me is my writing. What’s yours?
Give yourself time to make changes in your life that allow you to do what lights you up and makes you happy.
It will boost your confidence, make you feel good and leave you wanting more. The more I write, the more my confidence grows and the happier I am. It’s an upward spiral.
If you want this, if you want to see your story finished, your books published and even to make an income from it, this could be the opportunity you want to grab with both hands.
If you’re a stay-at-home mum, now is the time to start thinking about what you want to do as the children get older. You have given so much of yourself to your kids, now it’s time to find a little corner for you.
A happy mum means happy children
I am a huge fan of the belief that that happier you are, the happier your children are. The happier your children are, the happier you will be.
If writing a book will make you happy, find the way to make it happen.
Do it for you, you deserve it.
Schedule in a little bit of time over the next week where you can either read books about writing, listen to podcasts about writing, take part in a writing course, or even start writing!
Do what lights you up, you won’t regret it!
If this article was useful, you’ll love:
If you’ve been working on your novel for years (perhaps even decades) the maybe it's time to consider working with a coach.
If you have multiple versions of your novel and you don’t know which works best, are scared nobody will like your book and don't feel like a 'real' writer, then my guess is coaching is the right next step for you.
Find out more and sign up for your free Clarity Call here: https://emmadhesi.com/personal-coaching/
Emma Dhesi writes women’s fiction. She began writing seriously while a stay at home mum with 3 pre-school children.
By changing her mindset, being consistent and developing confidence, Emma has gone from having a collection of handwritten notes to a fully written, edited and published novel.
Having experienced first-hand how writing changes lives, Emma now helps beginner writers find the time and confidence to write their first novel.
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