Is This You?

Do you compare yourself to others? I had postnatal depression for nearly three years and was continually doing it. It was a disease – comparisonitis!

Looking around my circle of friends, I could see how much they were enjoying motherhood. They had smooth rhythms to their days and weeks. They enjoyed spending time with their children at home or on the beach or in restaurants. At children’s birthday parties, I watched these smiling and happy people with confusion and envy.

Why aren’t they finding this hard? I’d wonder. Don’t they resent the intrusion of their children as much as I do? It seemed not. Toddler and pre-school meltdowns didn’t perturb my friends, whereas I was horribly self-conscious. When my daughter dug in her heels and began a full on tantrum, I was mortified and felt completely out of control. I didn’t know how to manage her but couldn’t admit so to my friends. I had no idea what I was doing.

My friends were doctors, lecturers, business owners and entrepreneurs. I love these inspiring and intelligent who were grabbing the best of life. I should have basked in the fact they wanted to be my friend, instead, I couldn’t help comparing myself to them. I was intimidated by their awesomeness, their confidence, and zest for life.

Prior to motherhood, that had been me, too. I had been confident, sure of my own abilities and opinions. I had never been a fearful person until I became a parent. After that point, I started to doubt myself every step of the way. Month by month and year by year my confidence deteriorated so by the time my second child was born I was ripe for developing postnatal depression.

What I’ve learnt, and can reassure you about, is that with time, your hormones will settle down and your depression will start to lift. It takes time to recover from the years of exhaustion, physiological and psychological changes that occur with motherhood. You have the skills and knowledge needed to be a good and capable mother. It’s just that you’ve temporarily forgotten. Just as I did.

This amnesia is short term and will dissipate with time and with help. The trick is to keep going and get through each day, miserable as they may be, until eventually you see a light at the end of the tunnel and emerge into the sunshine.